


where you can rest

by nanakomatsus



Category: After School (Band), NU'EST, PRISTIN (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Produce 48 (TV), SEVENTEEN (Band), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: A Pledis Family Tragedy, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Non-Linear Narrative, Nu'est centric, The Royal Pledis-baums, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 23:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19029784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanakomatsus/pseuds/nanakomatsus
Summary: snippets of the youth they lost and everything in between.or, Pledis kids and the pains of growing up.





	where you can rest

**Author's Note:**

> soundtrack: love ya! - hyukoh, what if this is all the love you ever get? - snow patrol

 

Cold fingers tighten around hers. An arm wraps around her waist. A shaky, warm breath against her neck. The sleeve covering her shoulder is wet with tears. It is dark in here. The high ceilings seem like ghosts, towering above them, their weight nonexistent but there nonetheless, crushing them altogether. The air is cool, the air conditioner loud enough to drown their sniffles and groans as their chests heave.

 

But not loud enough to block out the shouts from outside.

 

_“-they could try! There’s always a chance-”_

_“-shut up, they’ll hear you!_

_“-why didn’t they-”_ There’s a loud clatter as something that sounds like a plastic chair crashes to the floor, fists banging against the pantry counter.

 

The body in her hold flinches as a cry of anger resounds down the hall outside, its echoes seeping in through the tiny space between the practice room’s door and floor. Nayoung kisses the top of its head and tightens her embrace. Beside her, Yebin lowers her head into her hands, body wracked with sobs. The others follow soon enough. What little silence there was, shattered finally.

 

Nayoung looks up to the white panels of the ceiling, grey under the absence of light, breathing in steadily, drowning out her girls’ cries except for her own.

 

Outside, the shouting continues.

 

...

 

He looks down at the list in his hands. _That should be everything,_ and pulls out the money hyung had given him. The cashier regards him with familiarity, making small conversation.

 

“Special occasion?” She asks kindly. He nods timidly, still shy, still not quite out of his shell despite the four months it’s been. “Have fun,” she smiles, wagging her fingers in a sort of wave as he shuffles out the store, inclining his head in thanks.

 

They’re all there when he comes back. Sooah waves him over to the long table set up at the middle of the room. She takes the goods from him hurriedly and sends him off to help with the decorations. Jinah arrives a few minutes later with Bekah, carrying a large, tall box between them, chattering excitedly.

 

He’s just about done with the streamers when Jungah gasps, hands clutching her phone between manicured hands.

 

“They’re on the way!” She exclaims. The room bursts into a frantic buzz then, setting up the cake, setting up the candles. Hyerin pulls him to her into a corner with a few others and they hold their breaths. Lights off, they wait. Footsteps coming down the stairs. The sparklers are lit just in time. The door slides open.

 

“Surprise!”

 

Junghyun cries then, so sweet and so young and so surrounded by love. They hold the cake out to her.

 

“Go for it. Make a wish,” Jiyoung tells her, urging her gently with a kind smile, a firm palm on her back, anchoring her, telling her they’re going to keep her safe.

 

She closes her eyes, cheeks dry, presses her palms together, eyebrows furrowed. A long moment passes before she blows the candles.

 

...

 

It’s a little unnerving. His heart beats a little faster, face growing a little redder as he fidgets in his seat. The food arrives just then, all boiling and steaming hot. The smell is a little dizzying. Enjoy your meal, says the kind old shopkeeper as he leaves them be.

 

He sits there, saliva collecting in his mouth, staring at the spread before him.

 

“What are you waiting for? Dig in,” Jinah says with an amused chuckle. Beside her, Hyerin nods enthusiastically. He swallows, nodding, lithe fingers going for a spoon and chopsticks.

 

He blows gently, watches the steam dissipate for a moment and takes this window of opportunity, slurping. Slowly, he reaches for another spoonful. And another.

 

“Eats like a horse, doesn’t he?” Hyerin says with a little giggle. Jina shrugs, leaning back, watching him with adoration.

 

“I would too, if I spent two whole months on whatever they’ve been feeding him.”

 

Then, the boy freezes for a moment, spoon halfway into his mouth. His eyes are wide with slight panic, flickering from the food spread before them to the two older girls watching him. They burst into laughter and wave him off.

 

“Alright, alright. We’ll eat, too. Stop worrying so much, Jonghyun-ah.”

 

...

 

“So what’s he like?”

 

Jiyoung comes to squat beside him, offering him a box of orange juice. He takes it with a soft thanks, shaking his head.

 

“This.”

 

It’s chaos on the other side of the room. Bang! blasts through the speakers as if it hadn’t already been all these hours before. Except it’s the new boy and two other girls, burning up the practice room with their older sisters egging them on.

 

“Wah! Minki’s really tearing it up!” Sooah cries in delight, clapping.

 

“Junghyun fighting! Kyulkyung fighting!” Yujin calls out in support of the younger girls, clutching her stomach as she doubles over.

 

Jiyoung laughs at his answer. It’s a motherly sound, like the woman she is. Jonghyun smiles along.

 

“But you two are joined at the hip already,” she says, regaining composure. There’s a slightly wistful tint to her voice now as she turns to him, beaming, eyes bright and knowing. He blushes and turns away, embarrassed. She strokes his hair gently then pats him on the back.

 

“You’re not alone anymore.”

 

He nods without hesitation, still flushing. That’s all he could have ever asked for.

 

...

 

“It’s good,” Dongho says as the track comes to an end.

 

Kyulkyung deflates with relief in her seat on the sofa. Beside her, Nayoung chews on a pencil, reading the verses over again, muttering the lyrics to herself.

“You’re not going to release it?”

 

She shakes her head with a weak smile. “Not this one,” she says and points her chin to Jihoon at the other end of the room. Dongho nods understandingly, casting a lopsided smile.

 

“Now it’s just a matter of performing it,” Kyulkyung breathes, closing her eyes. _You’ll be fine,_ she hears him say, and smiles to herself.

 

Jihoon’s been silent this whole while, deep in thought. So when he suddenly sits up straight with a little exclaim, they all turn to him questioningly.

 

“‘Downpour’, what do you think?” He says, turning it over and over in his head. She turns to her leader next to her. They share a small, sad smile.

 

“Very fitting,” Nayoung says warmly, setting down the paper in her hands.

 

“You’re done with it?” Kyulkyung asks. Jihoon shakes his head, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Almost, not really,” he says, sitting back down, going to click through files on the computer. She scoffs and shrugs, settling back into the soft cushion beneath her.

 

“Let’s hear it, then, Songwriter-nim.”

 

...

 

“How about like, hearts? And hyung, get this, a _lot_ of them-”

 

“Muel,” Minki groans, turning over to throw his arm over the younger, crushing him in hopes of some silence. It lasts for a few seconds as Samuel settles into the hug before he continues yapping away.

 

“-and Daehwi and Dongho-hyung could do the thing-”

 

“Have you even showered?” Minki mumbles into his shoulder. Samuel chuckles nervously and before he can answer, the elder takes it immediately as a cue to push him off the bed. Just then, the door opens, a sliver of light interrupting the peaceful dark of midnight.

 

The youngster gathers himself in an instant, beaming as Dongho and Jonghyun enter.

 

“Muel? What’re you doing here?” The infamous sexy bandit regards him with a tired, lopsided smile, so warm and endearing. Samuel waves up at him cheerily.

 

“Just hanging out with Minki-hyung!” He chirps. The two look between his lanky form deposited on the floor and their group member’s sleeping figure on the bottom bunk. Dongho chuckles, shaking his head, peeling his shirt off.

 

“Any hot new gossip we should know about?” Jonghyun decides to humor him as he gathers his things for the shower. The younger straightens enthusiastically.

 

“So I was thinking for the bridge…” They let him talk, let him babble on as they settle in for the night, giving comments here and there. At some point he’d climbed in with Minki again and draped the older boy’s arm over himself. Dongho lays on his side watching him with a small smile from the opposite bunk.

 

He slows when Jonghyun turns the lights down, leaving the room lit only by the small bulb of his diary pad. Dongho’s done writing his journal by the time Samuel has finally finished laying out his ideas. He’s fallen oddly quiet but not quite yet asleep.

 

“So you wanna start from the dance break tomorrow morning?” Jonghyun supplies, still paying attention as he continues writing today’s entry. Samuel hums in agreement, sounding rather far away compared to his excited chatter from just a few minutes ago.

 

“You okay, Muel?” Dongho asks, a little worried- he can’t help it. Samuel lays down finally, turning to nuzzle into Minki’s chest. The elder’s embrace around the kid tightens and Dongho finally realises that their maknae wasn’t actually asleep this whole time.

 

“It’s quiet with just us,” Samuel says, voice suddenly small, as if the weight of the looming finale had just snapped off its rope and landed on him right then. Dongho hears Jonghyun pause from writing and set his pen down.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’m scared, hyung.”

 

And he’s eleven again, sneaking into their dorm to plead for snacks with Hansol in tow. He’s eleven again and they’re peppering him with kisses every time they crash Seventeen’s practices. He’s eleven again and crying when he hugs them goodbye, his mother waiting patiently outside the building to take him home.

 

Jonghyun clicks his reading light off and sets the diary aside, bed creaking as he settles in for bed. Dongho rolls onto his back, staring up at the mattress above him.

 

“We are, too.”

 

...

 

A group of familiar faces greet them when they enter, peeking their heads through the door.

 

Seungcheol’s already waiting with the rest of the staff. He’s parked on a sofa at the farthest end, staring intently at the wall across him, obviously troubled. He startles however, when they go over to him and greets them with a tired smile, expression still tight but somewhat relieved.

 

“It’s been a while,” Nayoung says quietly, taking her seat beside him, careful to leave just the right amount of breathing space between them. Seungcheol nods wordlessly, swallowing thickly. She wants to say something to make this right (what, exactly, she doesn’t know, it just feels wrong, all of this) but-

 

Kyulkyung is rushing to the doors as soon as they open, holding her arms wide open to greet the first person in.

 

Dongho smiles into her hair, patting her shoulder gently before pulling away. Behind him, Minki and Samuel enter. Seungcheol gets to his feet this time, moving forward to meet them, though his actions are more restrained, because he can’t unravel and let little Samuel see him like that, it wouldn’t be fair.

 

(But Samuel isn’t as little as he was, because, as Nayoung pulls him to a half-hug, she sees how his eyes have dimmed and his face sunken and something tightens uncomfortably in her stomach.)

 

Minhyun looks like Death when he steps in, eyes, nose and cheeks still red from crying. Kyulkyung wraps her arms around his torso tightly, and he allows his head to fall to her shoulder for a moment before remembering where they are and they’re not fifteen anymore. So he just gives her a broken smile and takes a seat.

 

Jonghyun takes his place beside Nayoung, greeting her with a tired (he’s so, so tired) tug of his lips. She doesn’t hesitate to take his hand, squeezing reassuringly because she can give him that much when they’re here with friends, with family.

 

The air is strange. Heavy, but not quite. Instead, it hangs between them all like a cloud does before the rain. Just outside, it is noisy with cheering and greeting and crying. But in here, just for a few minutes, they have this to themselves.

 

There isn’t much to say - _I’m just glad it’s over,_ Jonghyun mutters, resting his head back against the wall. _You guys did well,_ Nayoung hears herself saying, just as her voice catches her throat.

 

Suddenly, it feels like just another late night at the studio, accidental meetings in the pantry, lazy times between showcases. Suddenly, they’re fifteen again and struggling to come to terms with the world they’d stepped into but happy nonetheless because the stage that waits for them is so bright.

 

But they’re in their twenties now. They’re grown up but _still,_ still struggling even after all this time.

 

(Nayoung sees it as Seungcheol clears his throat and congratulates Minhyun with a smile because that’s what friends do despite everything. Sees it as Dongho rubs Samuel’s back to comfort him but his own hand is shaking. Sees it in the way Minhyun bites his lip and lowers his head, willing the flood down. Sees it when Kyulkyung pipes up and tries to lighten the mood but knows in her heart of hearts that this is not what any of them had ever expected, not how things were supposed to turn out.

 

Not the night’s results.

 

Just- the way everything had led up until now, _them, here.)_

 

...

 

“Noona, to your right.”

 

“Ah.”

 

“Do you need back up?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

There’s a pause. Silence- except for the tapping and clicking of their keyboards. Hyerin glares at the screen, inwardly cursing at her anonymous teammates.

 

“So, how’s it going? You’re getting a comeback next month, right?” She asks absently, biting her lip in concentration. Jonghyun hums on the other end of the connection.

 

“Everything’s done. Just arranging the schedule,” he replies flatly. At the corner of his screen, a notification slides down. An email from his manager. He ignores it.

 

“Congratulations in advance.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

He gets ambushed and curses at himself, pulling a one-time trump card and is transported to the other end of the map.

 

“What about you?”

 

“Oh, same old, same old. I’m meeting with Bumzu next week. Not sure how it’s going to turn out. Hopefully, something. If not, well, I’ll be waiting online,” she says with a mirthless laugh. Jonghyun presses his lips together, eyes glued to the screen.

 

“How did she do it?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Jiyoung-noona.” _Ah,_ she knows where this is going. Her heart begins to ache a little. It is a while before she answers.

 

“Just like you’ve been doing. Screwed her head on right back the morning after a bad practice, went back to the studio the next day, chin up, just for us.”

 

“I want to do more.”

 

Hyerin bites her lip, taking a hit, her screen painted red.

 

“You’re doing your best, Jonghyun-ah. I know. They know. We all do.”

 

“It’s not enough.” He shoots down two, three, four assailants. A clean sweep. And heads east towards the danger area. Hyerin sighs, a sad smile playing at her lips.

 

“It is.”

 

He’s shot the moment he enters the barrier, screen going from blood to black. She hears him sighing. It is quiet for a long time.

 

“We’ve got practice tomorrow. I’m logging off now.”

 

“No problem. See you-”

 

“Noona?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

The connection ends. Hyerin sits staring at the black screen. She smiles to herself. _We’re all doing our best._

...

 

There’s a tapping on his shoulder. Then, a whisper. Finally, a firm hand clasped on his shoulder, gently shaking him.

 

He’s awake now, blinking to clear his vision, surroundings bleary. A face comes into focus, expression apologetic.

 

“Ah, Soonyoung,” he manages, shaking his head, focus, wake up. The younger smiles down at him sheepishly. “Your alarm went off.”

 

“Sorry, I was just getting a little rest,” he assures, managing a tired reply.

 

“Here?”

 

Minhyun looks around then, trying to identify his location. Ah, the reception area. He scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment, chuckling.

 

“We have a sofa in our studio if you want to-”

 

“Ah, no, it’s fine. I just came to pick something up,” he says quickly, getting up and pulling his coat on. Soonyoung knows better, shakes his head and stops him with a tug at his elbow.

 

“I’ll make you some coffee.”

 

The elder pauses for a moment before his expression softens, shoulders falling. Nodding, he follows him to the pantry.

 

He watches Soonyoung’s back as he bustles around, working the coffee maker, reaching up to get a jar of sugar, getting cups ready. He’s grown, Minhyun thinks, and realises how he hadn’t noticed it until now.

 

Just then, the doors to the elevator open and out come a couple of girls- pretty, young things, giggling among themselves. They stop short however, when they spot the two boys. Bowing quickly and muttering greetings in a hurry, they scamper off shyly, leaving them alone once again. Soonyoung turns to him with a little laugh.

 

“Fromis_9,” he says simply. _Ah,_ Minhyun nods.

 

The coffee is good. It’s hot in his hold but not to the point of burning. He takes a sip, relishing the warmth that spreads throughout his body. Soonyoung watches him intently.

 

“How’s it going?” Minhyun asks, making conversation. It’d been a while since they had a proper one.

 

“Same as always. Practice, perform, practice- the usual,” the younger answers with a shrug, downing his own cup in a few gulps. Minhyun hums thoughtfully.

 

“And you, hyung?”

 

Minhyun shrugs. “The usual,” he says with a little, mischievous smile. They laugh. The conversation strays for a half hour more before Soonyoung’s balking at the time displayed on his phone.

 

“Ah, gotta go.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“See you around.”

 

“Yeah. Thanks for the coffee.”

 

Soonyoung nods, beaming at him and makes to jog off. Before he rounds the corner to the elevators however, he pauses and turns back to the elder.

 

“It’s good to see you, hyung.”

 

Minhyun smiles. “Same here.”

 

...

 

"Okay, but what about TAK TAK TAKTAKTAK-" And he finishes with a flourish.

 

Seungkwan pouts in disapproval and step forward, repeating the exact same moves, just with more exaggeration. He too, finishes with some pointed jazz hands, eyes wide with conviction.

 

"Like this, hyung!" He exclaims, bordering on desperate. Minki doesn't seem ready to give in. He shakes his head vigorously and stamps his feet loudly like a child before taking the beginning stance once more.

 

"TAKTAKTAK then PAH PAH TAK!" He all but yells to get his point across as he executes the moves. Mingyu chuckles from his spot on the floor, nursing an empty water bottle, watching the two of them with amusement.

 

"Now you're just making things up, hyung," he says, laughing airily. The elder narrows his eyes at him accusingly.

 

"You too?" He sputters, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically, earning howls of laughter and jeers.

 

Seungcheol scoots closer to Jonghyun, nudging him on the shoulder with a playful smile.

 

"Minki's been in a good mood lately," he observes. The Nu'est leader shrugs, a small smile of adoration playing on his lips as he watches them goof around, leaning back on his arms.

 

"It took a while. But he got Min's room last month. That helped," Jonghyun explains, recalling their maknae's triumphant expression once he'd finally finished moving his things into their missing member's room. Seungcheol nods understandingly, humming.

 

"And what about you?" He turns the question to his almost-teammate, a faint, lopsided smile playing on his lips. Jonghyun raises his eyebrows, shrugging.

 

"Better than ever." Seungcheol knows he's not lying becasue it's the truth, what with their newfound popularity. They've been busier than ever and he's happy for them, he really is. And they even get to perform together for the first time in years-

 

But the hole is a gaping one, that much is obvious to everyone.

 

From what Seungcheol has gathered over the past couple of years, no one ever comes out of Produce the same. Not the girls, and certainly not these four.

 

But they leave it at that.

 

"It's TAKTAK-"

 

"No, hyung-" A new challenger enters the ring in the form of kid Michael Jackson. Chan steps between Seungkwan and Minki, expression serious. Taking a deep breath, he starts loosening up, stretching. The others egg him on with cheers and hoots. He takes his battle stance.

 

"It goes- TAKTAKTAKTAKTAKTAK!"

 

...

 

It’s quiet in Seoul.

 

It always is at this time of the year.

 

They walk down the street from the dorm, shoulders brushing, the early autumn chill washing over them. It’s mostly dark; shutters pulled close, blinds drawn in shop windows. It’s almost eery, but more than that it’s peaceful. There’s a buzz in his pocket.

 

“Ah, hyung? Yeah, we’re almost there.”

 

And they are. Because in a few minutes they’re turning a corner to a slightly livelier part of town, one that they’ve been frequenting since they’d both first arrived here in this bustling city. A little pocket of shops that smell like home, lit with warm yellow streetlights, busy despite the holiday season but not as crowded as it usually is.

 

Two familiar faces greet them, engaged in foreign conversation. It’s a light one, they figure, because the two are smiling and laughing at whatever inside joke.

 

“Ah, oppa. You’re late,” Kyulkyung greets haughtily, flicking a lock of strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder. Dongho and Minhyun exchange looks, shrugging. Minghao, bless the child, just smiles and waves.

 

“Bumzu-hyung’s later,” Dongho argues half-heartedly, taking his seat beside the girl despite everything.

 

“What.” Said man steps in right after them, looking rather disheveled. Judging from the state of his appearance, he’d most probably spent most of the day cooped up in the studio as usual.

 

“Oppa, you’re late,” Kyulkyung repeats, redirecting her dissatisfaction towards the elder who merely chuckles in turn, greeting her with a gentle pat on the head. She pouts, but anyone with eyes can tell she’s enjoying the attention.

 

“So, what’re you guys feeling-”

 

“We’ve already ordered!” Kyulkyung chirps. The three newcomers blink, turning to Minghao who puts his hands up in surrender, shaking his head, _I didn’t have anything to do with it._

 

The food arrives soon enough, the waitress slash restaurant owner cooing, _it’s been so long you all must be so busy, ah, Kyulkyung I saw you on TV just the other day, what a talented girl. Eat up, but careful, it’s still hot-_

 

It’s a generous spread. Dongho can already feel Minhyun across him, calculating and splitting the bill in his head. It musn’t be so bad, because he nods to himself, satisfied, then, palms together and digs in with the rest of them.

 

They trade stories about the past few weeks but soon, it just turns into a petty argument between the usual suspects.

 

“-I can’t _believe-”_

 

“-it just slipped out-”

 

The three others watch on in amusement before ultimately losing interest. Minhyun turns to Minghao instead and asks about comeback preparations to which the younger slips out a couple details; matching bomber jackets and Bumzu kicking their asses in the studio everyday.

 

“Hey, Jihoon’s way harder on you guys than I am,” the eldest at the table protests the accusations through a full mouth, spittles of cabbage flying out.

 

The conversation strays, the arguments finally die down with a truce, and soon, every bowl and plate is wiped clean, as if there was never any food to begin with. A comfortable silence passes as they sip on their drinks, taking a short break from the chatter.

 

It is then that Kyulkyung suddenly claps her hands together, squeezing her eyes shut, lowering her head. The boys watch her curiously, but make no move to interrupt.

 

Then, with a small smile, voice full of emotion, “Thank you for dinner. Thank you for the people that bring me joy even on the loneliest day of the year. Thank you for letting me meet such people. Bless them with success, happiness and fortune. Today, tomorrow, forever. Thank you.”

 

It is a warm night.

 

...

 

It's a simple thing.

 

They just have to turn and smile at each other. Still, the bright pink logo and its sparkling triangle is a little unnerving. He takes a swig of his water. His gaze catches Nayoung's at the other end of the room. She sends him a reassuring smile. A small part of him wilts as he's pulled down to Earth for just a moment.

 

"You're being obvious, oppa."

 

Minhyun blinks, barely registering as Kyulkyung appears at his side, hands behind her back, playing innocent, contrasting her knowing smirk. He turns to her, uncomprehending. She giggles. The sound of it is the same all these years he's known her.

 

"Your expression," she says matter-of-factly. "When you're with them, and when you're with us," she continues, discreetly pointing her chin towards his members at the other end of the studio.

 

He sputters, beginning to defend himself. She shakes her head, stopping him.

 

"I'm sure they understand. It's just an observation," she says nonchalantly. Minhyun pauses at that.

 

He hopes they do.

 

There's a pause for a moment before one of the staff announces the end of the break and calls them to position. Kyulkyung spins on her heel and begins to take off towards her group.

 

"When the time comes, it'll still hurt, you know," she says, passing by him. He catches the familiar small sort of sad smile colouring her lips, the way her eyes light up, if only just a little,  as she turns back to her girls (they're not her girls, not anymore, but she still calls them one and the same).

 

"I know," he says, more to himself. He takes a deep breath and goes to join his members. Taking his place beside Jinyoung, fitting his palm in the younger's, with a warm smile, who shyly returns the gesture with a mumbled 'hyung, it's embarrassing' but he doesn't let go.

 

He knows.

 

...

 

Her chest hurts a little more than usual. But her body feels lighter than it’s ever been in years. Sweat rolls down her neck, cooling on her skin. The music’s loud. A little too loud. But she doesn’t mind. Her form in the mirror is good, perfect even.

 

Who’s she kidding?

 

Her legs buckle and she collapses to the floor, breathing shakily. The grey is cool beneath her. She lets herself breathe for a while, in out in out, the ceiling above pulling in and out of focus, in out in out. The song’s long finished so she’s just lying there in silence. Until-

 

“Noona?” A tentative voice calls out to her. Slowly, she turns her gaze to the door to find a lone figure shuffling in, its posture taut with tension and worry.

 

“Oh, Jonghyun,” Kaeun breathes out, forcing a weak smile as she gathers whatever’s left of her strength to sit up.

 

“Was just checking in. Sorry,” he says sheepishly, a nervous smile spreading across his features, head slightly bowed, hand rubbing the back of his neck. Just the same as all those years before. She almost smiles at the memory.

 

“I bumped into Yunjin in the pantry. Said you were taking a break. But, I guess not…” he trails of, unsure of how to carry on. He is skirting sensitive territory, after all.

 

But she smiles, genuine this time, and shakes her head, waving it off.

 

“Heard about the comeback. Congratulations,” she says. He chuckles nodding and lowers himself to sit beside her, the both of them facing the wall-covering mirror.

 

“Thanks.”

 

There is a pause, as each of them weigh their options on where to steer the conversation from there. _Well, it’s inevitable,_ Kaeun thinks bitterly and braves on.

 

“It was a fun experience,” she says, nodding to herself, because it was and she’ll never forget everything she went through during those long, few months. Jonghyun doesn’t respond, silently urging her to continue. Even in his most quiet moments, he’s a born leader.

 

“I’d never felt so happy. It really was almost like I’d been reliving seven years ago again. Never thought I’d ever have to, but now that I have, I realise it’s just as precious as it was back then. I’m just glad _she_ wasn’t at the camp-” she trails off, folding her knees to her chest, hugging herself close as scenes of the audition flash through her mind.

 

“You know, I told myself that things’d be different when I get back, and seeing her again, I felt like it would be. And yet…” Her voice catches in her throat. She throws her head back as tears prickle at the corners of her eyes.

 

“...Here I am,” she finishes with a whisper. Realising it at that moment, she draws a deep, long breath and turns to the younger man, nevermind that her eyes are wet because he’d understand.

 

“What did it feel like?” That moment. That stage. Looking out at the tall, tall mountain before him. The voices calling out his name. The pain in his chest.

 

He doesn’t answer for a long time.

 

“I don’t know. Even after all this while, I don’t really remember. Felt like a dream, honestly. That we’d even made it to that point together. But it was… a different kind of pain. Kind of like the hurt was fighting with the relief. Like that,” he says, the tone of his voice wistful, not a single drop of regret or sadness. More bittersweet.

 

She nods, understanding, but not quite even if it was exactly what she’d felt.

 

“But noona, I was just glad it was over.”

 

She chuckles and catches a glance of the two of them in the mirror, nostalgia flooding back and washing away in a split second.

 

She is, too.

 

...

 

“Ah, I was just about to lock up.”

 

Seungcheol leans against the door frame, a lopsided smile on his lips as he watches the other boy straighten in the mirror before casting him a reassuring smile over his shoulder.

 

“It’s going to bite you in the ass if you keep going like this,” he says, a gentle warning in his voice. Jonghyun shrugs halfheartedly, switching the sound system off.

 

“What else is there to do?”

 

 _Of course, that’s his answer._ Seungcheol sighs, shaking his head.

 

“I’ll wait for you outside-”

 

“We’ve decided.”

 

And it’s like someone pulled all the emergency breaks at once. His mind jerks before coming to a complete halt as he doubles back, trying to process what Jonghyun had just said. But no, maybe he’d heard wrong, maybe they're just deciding to go on hiatus for a bit and come back in a few months-

 

“What.”

 

“We’re going. To Produce.”

 

...

 

“You guys get going first.”

 

Minki regards him with an eyebrow raised, but doesn’t say anything, just goes to round the others up to head back to the dorm. Soon, he’s left alone in the hallway. The floor’s still pulsing like a heartbeat. He turns around and heads back down the practice room.

 

“We’re going to get scolded,” he says, waiting by the door.

 

“Just a little more.”

 

“You’re going to injure yourself at this rate.”

 

“Just a little more.”

 

Seungcheol sighs, giving up and takes a seat, resting his chin on the plastic backrest, watching silently.

 

Jonghyun’s the best of them, that much is obvious. Always has been, probably always will be. After all, the foundation had been laid starting with him. He watches the other boy as he tirelessly excecutes step after step with precision, right on every beat, and thinks that they’ll be okay if they have him-

 

The song comes to an end. Seungcheol can’t help but clap.

 

“Okay, now hurry up. It’s cold out.”

 

It is. It’s snowing, actually. They stand at the mouth of the main entrance, staring up at the fine flakes raining down. The street’s already covered with a thin a layer. All the more reason to get on with it. Pulling up their hoods in unison, they step out into the snow and begin the journey home.

 

“I can’t wait,” Seungcheol says a little bit later, about halfway into the trek. Jonghyun turns to him, a little surprised.

 

“We’ll be great, don’t you think? Even Jihoon says so,” he continues, his heart warming with hope, filled to the brim with expectations and possibilities. Beside him, Jonghyun nods, a small smile forming.

 

“Yeah. If it’s you guys, we’ll do it. We’ll make it,” he says softly and yet it’s firm with determination and drive and need and want. Seungcheol grins at him.

 

“ _We’ll_ be okay if it’s _you,_ Jonghyun-ah.”

 

**Author's Note:**

>   * pristin's disbandment shook me to the core and got me thinking about all the years the girls lost.
> 

>   * junghyun's been a trainee since she was eight. Eight. you can't tell me she wasn't the one who'd lost the most.
> 

>   * jonghyun mentioned nana and raina treating him beef bone soup during the pledis weekly idol ep. it really touched my heart.
> 

>   * minki was the first of the nu'est members to join pledis after jonghyun.
> 

>   * kyulkyung and nayoung wrote 'line' together. it's one of my favourite songs. search the lyrics up.
> 

>   * everybody in pledis babied samuel to no end. especially baekho.
> 

>   * seungcheol was spotted at the produce season 2 finals. i can't even begin to understand what he felt.
> 

>   * jonghyun mentioned that raina and him had each other's game ids instead of phone numbers on the pledis weekly idol ep.
> 

>   * i still keep wishing they filmed some behind the scenes of the mama heaven performance.
> 

>   * dongho, minhyun, kyulkyung, minghao and bumzu did actually go out for dinner during chuseok because the two of them couldn't go home.
> 

>   * that produce48 teaser never fails to make me cry. every time.
> 

>   * tragic cinematic parallels.
> 

>   * tempest was the group that was supposed to debut instead of nu'est in 2012 made up of the current nu'est members plus seungcheol, jihoon and two other trainees
> 



End file.
